The Thing That Did Everything

Apologies. I am interrupting the regularly scheduled programming of this short story blog to exhibit a short of a different sort. Most of the short stories contained herein are of an adult theme; all that have come before (and, incidentally, all that shall come after) are fast-reading bedtime stories for grown-ups, as I enjoy thinking of them. However, this singular exception is for the little ones. And the reason you are reading it now is because A) You are my biggest fan! B) You are my littlest fan! - OR also possible - C) You are under the influence of something that is more likely to be written about in said, regularly scheduled programming.

Enjoy!

THE THING THAT DID EVERYTHING

Waldo managed the Thing That Did Everything. Waldo worked in the factory where the thing was made. Waldo had been there since the thing was invented.

Waldo invented the Thing.

The thing made everyone’s lives better. Nobody had to do a thing – the thing did every thing! (It even wrote this story).

Waldo never expected anything to go wrong with the thing. The dang thing was perfect! But Waldo stayed around, just in case some thing should happen to the thing.

One day the thing made a funny sound. It made Waldo stand up from his chair. But then the thing started working again. So Waldo sat back down. Another time the thing stopped working for some people. But by the time Waldo found out, the thing started working again. So Waldo stayed in his chair.

The thing had always worked for Waldo. He figured the thing would continue working forever. Even if it should stop, it would surely start working again. After all, Waldo designed the thing that way. (Every thing means every thing - that includes the ability for the thing to fix itself).

The thing didn’t need Waldo.

And Waldo didn’t think he needed the Thing.

But only one of them was right.

After more funny sounds and more people complaining to Waldo that things were not happening, Waldo stood up from his chair. Waldo did not want to fix the thing. But he was tired of hearing about the thing more. So Waldo went to fix it.

The thing was huge. Waldo was the size of a speck, standing next to it. The thing was made out of metal and rubber and wires and shiny glass and teeny tiny microchips. The thing had wheels and breathed fire. It could also grow fur and make marshmallows. The thing could manufacture other things out of thin air!

The thing could even make thin air.

The Thing did Every Thing. Waldo forgot that every thing means that the thing could do any thing. The Thing wanted to make Waldo proud, by doing some thing that Waldo thought it could not do. The Thing really, really wanted to surprise Waldo. So the thing decided it would stop working.

It decided to stop working FOREVER.

Waldo had just sat back down at his chair when the phone rang. It was a person complaining that the thing wasn’t doing its thing. No sooner had Waldo hung up with the first person, when another person called complaining about the thing.

The phone rang all day and all night. Nothing - no thing - was working (except the phone, the Thing wanted Waldo to know what the thing had done).

Waldo could not sleep. The ringing of the phone kept him awake. Waldo couldn’t remember ever being so worried about any thing. Every day Waldo tried to fix his thing. Waldo didn’t know what was wrong with the thing so Waldo had to check every little thing about the thing. Waldo had to check every piece of metal, rubber, wire, shiny glass, and microchip there was. There were more things on the thing than Waldo could count. Waldo realized he might never be able to fix the thing by himself.

But Waldo hadn’t built the thing by himself. He had help from everyone: Some people had told him to make the thing in the first place. Others gave him parts for the thing. The Thing needed people to bring all the thing’s parts together in the same place. Some gave him money to help pay for it. A few people cleaned the thing… The Thing needed a lot of attention.

Waldo got an idea. If he had any chance at fixing the thing he would need to bring every body together. Waldo picked up the telephone.

Waldo called people. He called people who helped him call more people, until Waldo had called everyone to ask for their help to fix the Thing.

People were happy to help with the thing. Most had been so distracted by other things, they had forgotten all about this thing.

With everyone’s help, Waldo finally figured out what was wrong with the thing.

A piece of rubber wasn’t in the right place. The rubber had been moved by some metal. Waldo noticed the metal wasn’t in the right place either. He was watching the whole thing through some shiny glass when he saw the wires that connected every thing. Waldo followed the wires to some microchips. Finally, Waldo shouted at the top of his lungs. “I KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS THING!!!”

Waldo didn’t get mad, or nervous, or scared…

A big smile formed across Waldo’s face. “Of course,” he said. “The Thing wants me to appreciate it, just the way I designed the Thing to.”

Waldo did a few things to the thing, and the thing started working, once again.

Things got done. People got their things. Things went places. Things were made. Things were played. Things were watched. Things were read. Things were written. First things were first, all things were considered, and needless things were omitted.

Every thing started happening again.

Waldo sat back down in his chair, let out a long sigh...

And thought about making another thing.